I stood alone in our walk-in closet as tears gathered in my eyes. It was Saturday morning at the end of what was arguably the most difficult week of parenting I had experienced (and that’s saying something, because we’ve had some doozies around here!).
Parenting children with a history of trauma involves an emotional whiplash that cannot be succinctly described in words.
All I can say is, if you know, you know.
It had been a draining last few days, and this morning was shaping up to be more of the same. But as I stood in the closet pulling laundry from my hamper, the Lord brought to mind a picture of a woman alone in the wilderness- Hagar from the Old Testament. When I think of Hagar, the words that immediately come to mind are desperation, isolation, and being found.
Hagar had fled from her mistress, Sarai (later known as Sarah, Abraham’s wife) and was experiencing one of the darkest times in her life. In a nutshell, she was hopeless and alone, and the angel of the Lord had come and spoken to her about the son she would have.
Well, on that Saturday morning, I was neither in the wilderness, nor was I having any more sons, but I was hiding out in my closet, and like Hagar, I was feeling alone and downhearted.
As things typically go, someone needed Mom, and I pulled it together to go through the motions of parenting for the next several hours. I still had Hagar on the brain, so when I had a few minutes to myself, I opened my Bible app and searched her name.
Hagar is mentioned in a few different places in the Bible, primarily in the book of Genesis. I dug into the first passage looking for more of a connection. What I wasn’t expecting to find was another name for God- one that I couldn’t help but share.
Genesis 16:13 says, “Thereafter, Hagar used another name to refer to the Lord, who had spoken to her. She said, ‘You are the God who sees me’”… (Some translations use the Hebrew words “El-Roi”)
The God who sees me.
Isn’t that perfection for the mom who is feeling isolated and at the end of her rope?
My God is the God who sees me. El Roi.
I believe it was the kindness of God that brought the story of Hagar to my mind that day. He knew how much I needed to be reminded that He, God, sees me.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, insignificant, or just plain worn-out, please find hope in these words-
The God who created the universe, Immanuel, God with us, also goes by another name- El Roi, the God who sees me.
He sees you, too.